A few months ago I came across a horrible movie in the Pound Shop called 'Hellinger'. It was made in 1998 by B-movie director Massamilliano Cerchi (Masshole, for short) on a mighty budget of $8000. This movie was different from other shitty films, this was a golden turd.
The story begins with a young girl named Melissa who gets abused by her father. The father is a dobber and taunts the chuckle fuck with her stuffed toy and then a big white thing covered in latex appears from behind the dick head and yanks his eyes out, this white thing is Hellinger. The camera then pans in on a screaming Melissa.
All in the first scene: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Eb3z5U PGr0
The rest is incomprehensible. It follows an adult Melissa. Some shit about an evangelical priest, a biker dude that beats up a pimp, some disgusting and unnecessary rape scene and many shots of the biker dude riding on his good ol' Harley.
As I am a cruel and misanthropic bastard I thought I would upload Hellinger to Youtube just so a few unlucky souls can revel in the misery of it all.
A few weeks later I received many poorly grammared legal threats by PM over Youtube from the Masshole himself (I'll post them in the comments section if anyone is interested). Several childish responses later...my upload was gone. This was war.
(This is Masshole's Youtube account: http://www.youtube.com/user/ZoltarPict ures . As you can see from his subscriptions and favourites he is a fan of David Firth and big tits.)
So to piss him off I am now making a Flash movie out of his horrible creation. It will be a challenge, as my Flash capabilities are very limited. My previous movies are just bouncing balls and flailing purple dongs. But I shall press on...in the name of science.
HELLINGER - THE ANIMATED SERIES
Cast- This will comprise of Hellinger, the Biker Dude and Mr Sun. (You can see Mr Sun in profile picture)
Hellinger: Hellinger's full name is Bert Hellinger. He is a middle aged ghost who lives in an apartment by himself. His only friends are the Biker Dude and Mr Sun. He longs to see Melissa (who will be a character who is referred to but never seen) again. Hellinger is a fan of Lucky Star (yes, he's an inferred paedophille) and other children's anime. He can use tentacles to grab items and can float. Lazy animation at its finest.
Biker Dude: Real name is unknown at this point, will watch Hellinger credits to find character name soon. He is of incredible small stature and will be referred to as "Midget Man" by the crew every so often. Due to his small stature he rides around on a Sinclair C5. He tries to keep Hellinger out of trouble and away from law enforcement. Biker Dude will most likely be horrificly injured in each episode. He also tries to hide his raging love for Hellinger.
Mr Sun: Mr Sun has seen all and knows all. He is the moral compass of the gang, but too bad he resides in space and can't help the two fuds when they get into trouble. At the end of each episode Mr Sun will give a moral story, which will take a U-turn into irrelevance. "So kids, stealing from the army is a bad idea...and that's why The Simpsons isn't funny anymore".
Now that you've read all that here is the current build of Hellinger. He still looks flat, especially on that angled view, but it will look much better when I create shading for him. Enjoy.
tl;dr: I watch a shit movie. Upload it to Youtube. Movie gets deleted because producer complained to Youtube. I start making a Flash animation of his terrible movie to piss him off.
